Relationship therapist Paula Hall, who works with Relate and wrote the book ‘Help Your Children Cope With Your Divorce’, suggests five important things that will help parent-child relationships to weather the separation storm:

1. Help children to accept the pain. It’s important to be optimistic and hopeful when you talk to your children about separation, but just telling them that everything will be fine could leave them unable to share the painful emotions they’re feeling. Encourage them to talk about their feelings to you or another family member or friend.

2. Be prepared for practical and emotional changes. It’s more than likely that there will be two households to support now, so money won’t go as far anymore. And if one of you is starting a new relationship then things could be particularly tense. As parents, you’ll need to work on communicating with each other from the outset so that your children aren’t stuck in the middle of these issues.

3. How you manage leaving day can make a difference. The day that you or your partner leaves home will be one that you all remember for a long time. Try to lessen the practical and emotional impact by preparing everyone in advance and being clear about what’s going to happen.

4. Establish new routines. Children cope best with divorce when they have regular contact with both parents. This includes phone, email and text, as well as face-to-face time. Developing a routine is important, but try to be flexible too as the new arrangements take shape.

5. Let them know it’s ok to enjoy seeing your ex. Even if you’re seething inside when it’s time to hand over the children, keep a smile on your face when your ex comes to the door and give them all a cheery wave goodbye. Your children must know that it’s fine for them to leave you and enjoy their time with their other parent.

 

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