When you met, you couldn't keep your hands off each other. Everything was new and exciting, and sex was a huge part of your relationship. But now you're living together, possibly married and have one, two, three or even four children, sex may no longer be top of your list of priorities. Relate counsellor Paula Hall said this is a natural part of a relationship - things change as people do - and as long as you recognise this, you can take the necessary steps, shared below, to stay close and move forward

 

After the initial lustful stage is over, and you've settled into a loving relationship in which you see each other all the time, sex becomes less urgent. Suddenly the need to be undressed all the time isn't so vital. 

   Living together can be hard and you may find you and your partner are bickering over one of you going out again, or whose turn it is to do the dirty dishes - all of which kills your desire for sex. Plus seeing your partner's habits - some far from attractive - such as trmming their nose hair, putting out the bins in their slippers and pants, or just being grumpy after a long day at work or looking after the kids, can all detract from the sexual chemistry. Talking about children... they can also make it almost impossible to find the time or energy!

   But sex in a long-term relationship doesn't have to get stuck in a rut, Paula Hall from relationship charity Relate has said. 'As your relationship continues to mature, sex matures as well. But like a fine wine, it can become richer and fruitier! As you get to know each other better, a deeper trust develops. You're less likely to feel inhibited and you can look forward to a new stage of sexual experimentation. Without the initial insecurities, you can take the time to learn to become great lovers together.' 

   So first things first - if you've noticed you're getting bored in the bedroom, jointly decide to spice things up. Both of you need to agree to make more effort.

   Next, try some of Paula's hot tips to help you on your way:

• 'Make an effort to always look your best for your partner and keep yourself in good health'
  When you're a busy mum it can be hard to eat healthily and exercise often, but try to make the time and you'll feel so much better about yourself. And treat yourself to some sexy underwear/pair of stockings/new dress - you deserve it.

• 'Take any and every opportunity to be romantic, to touch, to share loving words'    What? You mean actually be nice to each other at the end of a long day? Yes, you can do it! Make an effort to be more caring and he might just reciprocate.

• 'Change the scenery - bathroom, living room, alfresco' 
  It could be monotonous doing it in bed every time. Try to think outside the box - or rather, out of the bedroom!

• 'Watch an erotic movie together to get you in the mood or share an erotic story'  
  I bet he'd love to know what all the fuss was about and take a peek inside Fifty Shades of Grey.

• 'Experiment with new sexual positions'
  Ask him for some ideas - bet he's got some up his sleeve.

• 'Introduce a new sex toy'
  Any excuse to shop online and spend some money...

• 'Change the way you initiate sex - do something more daring or more romantic'
  There's got to be something more interesting than brushing your teeth and switching off the lights, before hopping into bed

• 'Engage in roleplay or sex games'
  Drama queen? You? You know you always wanted to be an actress...

• 'Learn a new stimulation technique'
  There are lots of books or websites out there to inspre you.

 

For more information, visit