We've all had one of THOSE days, where the kids seem to be misbehaving at every turn, and your patience levels have hit rock-bottom. Anita Cleare is a local Positive Parenting Coach and co-founder of The Positive Parenting Project, and shares her advice on what to do when you find you're constantly losing your cool and how to encourage good behaviour... 

So how do we stop our children having tantrums, throwing their toys, arguing back, and so on... It's the million dollar question! Anita says: 'The first step is to turn this question around and think about how you want them to behave instead. And when they do behave this way, how do you respond? Nine times out of 10, parents pay a lot more attention to the behaviour they want to stop than to the behaviour they want to encourage.'

   I guess we’ve all done it. If the kids are playing nicely, then we seize the opportunity to
do something for ourselves. Anita says: 'If, for once, they're quiet and not telling tales or bickering about whose turn it is or calling for help, a drink, or anything else, we use this precious moment to make a cup of tea after a hard day. Or, more likely, to run around like a madwoman trying to complete the million jobs.' Whatever you do, you don’t want to disturb the kids because that might ruin your five minutes of freedom.

   But Anita asks is that really going to encourage them to repeat their good behaviour in the future? 'We all like to be praised,' she says. 'When somebody says you did a particularly good job, you feel great about it. You feel motivated to put in the effort next time. Children are no different. If you can catch them being good (no matter how briefly!) and tell them how much you like it, then they are far more likely to behave that way again. It might feel weird at first, but do it repeatedly and consistently every time the desirable behaviour occurs and it will make a difference.'

   'Try to be positive and specific in your praise ("Well done for staying calm when your sister was teasing you") so they know precisely what they are doing that you like. Back it up with a smile, a hug, a pat on the back... As a parenting strategy, it has everything going for it. There’s no preparation. It’s portable. It’s free (though the occasional surprise reward to go with the praise can really boost success rates). And more good behaviour means less time battling
bad behaviour and more time to spend doing something enjoyable with the children (or, occasionally, if you must, the hoovering).

   'So the next time the kids are playing together quietly – even if it is only for a moment - before you reach for the phone or fire up the laptop, walk into the room and tell them exactly what they are doing that you like. Be enthusiastic (after all, you really do like it!). Invest in those moments and you might just reap many more magical moments in return.'

 

For information about parenting workshops or one-to-one coaching, contact Anita on anita@positiveparentingproject.co.uk or phone 07944883701. Visit

Anita's response for www.talentedladiesclub.com 

 

Interested in attending a PARENTING WORKSHOP? Here are the details...

Wednesday 22nd January. THE POWER OF POSITIVE PARENTING at Clewer Youth and Community Centre, Windsor, 7-9pm. Parenting Workshop covering the key principles of positive parenting. For parents of children 2-10 years. www.positiveparentingproject.co.uk

Wednesday 29th January. RAISING CONFIDENT COMPETENT CHILDREN at Clewer Youth and Community Centre, Windsor, 7-9pm. Parenting Workshop on developing children's communication, social and problem-solving skills. For parents of children 2-10 years. www.positiveparentingproject.co.uk

Wednesday 5th February. RAISING RESILIENT CHILDREN at Clewer Youth and Community Centre, Windsor, 7-9pm. Parenting Workshop on helping children manage their emotions and deal with life's ups and downs without tears and tantrums. For parents of children 2-10 years. www.positiveparentingproject.co.uk

Wednesday 12th February. DEALING WITH DISOBEDIENCE at Clewer Youth and Community Centre, Windsor, 7-9pm. Parenting Workshop on encouraging children's co-operation and managing disobedience. For parents of children 2-10 years. www.positiveparentingproject.co.uk

Wednesday 26th February. MANAGING FIGHTING & AGGRESSION at Clewer Youth and Community Centre, Windsor, 7-9pm. Parenting Workshop on discouraging children from fighting and aggression and dealing with it effectively when it happens. For parents of children 2-10 years. www.positiveparentingproject.co.uk